Tag Archives: hospital

My 2nd Day of Reflection

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I’m continuing to borrow a small piece of tradition during the Jewish New Year of 10 days of reflection and self-evaluation between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  I hope that I don’t offend any Jewish people in taking this small piece of a tradition out of the greater context of the holiday and the meanings behind the overall traditions.

My question from the 10Q website today to help provoke thought was:

Question 2.  Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you’re especially proud of from this past year?

 

While I may inwardly preen, it is actually hard to say out loud “I am proud of myself”. It’s not that I don’t do things for which I am proud — it’s that it feels boastful to say it out loud. I think that it’s a female thing. Or maybe it’s just me. Regardless, it’s not often that I say, “I did this, and I rocked it, and I’m proud of myself.”

But I will now.

I’m proud of the way that I handled finding out and then being in the hospital with my pulmonary embolism. Or my clotty clot clot, as I call it. For many days, I was scared, and tired, and in pain. And when I could finally stop being scared and was out of pain, I was just tired, and bored, and uncomfortable.  It was a bad 6 days and 5 nights.

I could have had a major pity party, feeling sorry for myself, but I didn’t. I could have been grumpy and cranky, but I wasn’t.

http://theafrikaanschallenge.wordpress.com/tag/proud/

You have very little control of anything when you are in the hospital. You eat when they bring you food. You take a shower when the nurses unhook you from all the machines long enough to take a shower. You sleep when they leave you alone long enough to actually sleep. You get information about your health when they are ready to give you information, and not one minute early.

I had control of exactly one thing — my reaction to the situation. My reaction could have been days spent in anger, frustration and crankiness. Or it could have been days spent with patience, calmness and laughter where I could find it.

I am proud that I chose the laughter.

Hospital

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Missed me?  Well, I was in the hospital recently for 6 days and 5 nights.

After I heard the words (the scariest words that I have ever heard) “You have a blood clot in your lung” and after the trip in the ambulance to the hospital, the learning experience about our health care system began.  And here are some of the things that I learned:

  • In a panic, don’t overstate your weight by 100 lbs because it may affect your meds dosage
  • Leave modesty at the door  — they’ve seen it a million times
  • Until you’re “in the system”, do not expect to be fed.  Quarters and vending machines are life’s sustenance
  • Looking for your next stop?  Look no further than the paper that is delivered every morning.

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  • Don’t suspect a porno movie when you hear someone yelling in another room “Swallow it!  Swallow it!”.  It’s just a nurse trying to get a patient to take their medicine.
  • Expect food when it’s delivered to you, not at the same time every day.  Expect some feelings of intense hunger.
  • Eat peas even when you hate peas.  See learning above.
  • No one cares how you smell but you

Now, I could comment on how the doctors and nurses treated me, how I never saw the same therapist or laboratory person twice, how out of the loop of their own care a patient feels, or how isolating a trip to the hospital can be.  But I purposefully chose to concentrate on the positive and the ridiculous during my stay.  (And besides, there are plenty of well researched, cited and professionally written articles and books on our health care system without me trying to act like an expert.  All I can write about is my stay.)

The positive and the ridiculous helped me keep my calm.  Helped me to combat the fear that came to me along with the understanding that I could have died.  I have had another moment in my life in which I will now begin to measure events:  things that happened before my embolism and things that happened after my embolism.  I have a feeling that I may be one of those schmucks that decides to live life a little differently as a result.

Here’s the best part:  I have a wonderful memento of my stay.  It’s the most expensive piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned:

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Matt and I are estimating that it will cost $50K.  Luckily, we don’t have to pay “retail” since we have insurance.  I want to buy a bedazzling machine and bling it up.  I think I can dress it up or down.

Finally, in the spirit of not taking myself to seriously, here’s a conversation Matt and I had at breakfast this morning.  We were talking about his cold and how he was feeling better today than yesterday.

matt:  Freaking hospital.  That’s where I got this cold.

me:  Well, at least you can’t catch a clot.

(pause)

me:  Even though I can throw one!!

(major laughing on my part)

matt:  Much funnier in your head than said out loud.

Postscript to the Letter to My Husband

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Used dirt bike for $2500 that you rode for 90 minutes
Emergency room visit for $16,573.91 that lasted 2 hours
Having something to say to you everytime you want to do something dangerous — “Do you remember the dirt bike?” — that lasts the rest of our lives
BEST MONEY YOU EVER SPENT!