Matt and I spent the weekend watching a Walking Dead marathon. So, we’ve spent an enormous time talking about zombies. Here are just a sample of some of our conversations this weekend.
me: I want you to just go ahead and kill me if the zombie apocalypse starts. I don’t want to be alive for the post-apocalypse stuff.
Matt: What? You don’t think that you would have anything to offer the rest of the survivors?
me: Are you kidding? I would just be a whiny bitch.
Matt: Come on. You’d be able to contribute something.
me: No, really. My anti-depressant would run out and then I would just end up wanting to stay in bed all the time and there would be NO air conditioning and then I would really be a bitch.
Matt: Yeah, that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
Matt: I don’t think some of the stuff on the show is very realistic.
me: Like what?
Matt: Like the drug stuff. Like they didn’t take all the drugs from the drug store at once. When the zombie attack broke out, why didn’t they go to the drug store, and take all the drugs then? Why would they keep going back to the drug store? Get it all at once.
me: True, but there would be stuff that you just know that you won’t use. Like prenatal vitamins.
Matt: Yeah, I could see that.
me: And Viagra. I would totally skip getting Viagra and Cialis. I mean, I would be like, “I can’t have him distracted a whole weekend–we got the dead walking around. He’s got to be concentrating on that.”
Matt: Good point.
me: You know, that one woman on the show supposedly loved her sister sooooo much, but I don’t buy it. I tell you right now, I love my sister so much that I wouldn’t even let her turn into a zombie before I shot her.
Matt: That’s sweet.
me: That’s what I should have written in her birthday card.
Matt: It isn’t too late.
me: Yeah it is. Her birthday was weeks ago.
Matt: Send her a postscript birthday card. Tell her that you need to express how much you love her. “Just wanted you to know that I love you so much that I would shoot you in the head before you could even turn into a zombie” Happy postscript birthday.
me: Love, Cristy.
Matt: That’s love. I think she would like it.
I think that the conversations above prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that what my mama used to tell me is untrue: you CANNOT turn your brains to mush by watching TV all the time. We actually spent the whole weekend watching shows about mushy brains and we are still able to have these well-thought-out, highly articulated conversations. Mama, you’re forgiven.