Tag Archives: Rosh Hashanah

Friends Are Gifts: Day 5

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Day five has rolled around.  Half way there during my 10 day, 10 questions as part of self-evaluation, reflection, faux Rosh Hashanah.  Answering this question was easy.

Question:  Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? “Spiritual” can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.

I have had such a tumultuous year. I have often felt like nothing is under my control. This has definitely been a year that has underscored the fact that as much as we plan, as much as we envision the way that our lives will work out, it only takes one trip to the doctor, one conversation in the kitchen, one meeting at work to change the path that we previously had been traveling.

It’s not like I have lived this long without facing disappointment or disruption to my life plan before. I have definitely faced many, many upheavals in my life. Deaths, breakups, major depressions, work failures…. But I have never had so many happen together in such a short period of time.

My spiritual experience out of all of this is the deepening belief that when I feel like I have no control (which in fact, I don’t), I have to rely on God. And so far, He hasn’t let me down. I have survived every twist that has come my way, despite any doubts that I might have had about my own strength.

Screen Shot 2014-09-28 at 6.46.49 PMAnd God has brought people into my life that have been critical to my healing and my ability to make it through difficult times, offering love and support. I am no one special, but I have special people for friends. They have special talents and gifts, and they have shared them with me. The fact that I keep expanding my circle of friends that help me grow and enrich me as a person, just at a time in my life when I need them the most, is a sign of God working in my life.

Lucky Me. Day 4

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I have had a lovely day, continuing to settle into my new house, followed by dinner with some friends.  I love the weekends.

I have my fourth question for this period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  It’s a good question.  Have you, by chance, been thinking of how you would answer these questions?

Question: Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year. How? Why?

 

I was listening to NPR one morning when a story came on about how there were rapes taking place in many villages in India when the women and young girls went outside to use the bathroom.  The lack of any means of more hygienic way to use the bathroom was putting them at risk.  Click on the image below to read the transcript or to listen to the original broadcast.

Women shout slogans during a protest against the gang rape and hanging of two teenage girls. Beyond highlighting the rampant sexual violence in India, the crimes are drawing attention to a glaring and fundamental problem across the country that threatens women’s safety: the lack of toilets.

I was appalled by the story.  I was not naive enough to think that the rest of the world all had nice, indoor plumbing, with power flush and low flow toilets.  But it had never occurred to me that females were put at risk because of the absence of these items that I take for granted everyday.  These necessities that I expect to just be there.

When I first heard the broadcast on that June morning, I had a moment of clarity about how truly fortunate I was to live where I do and to be born into the socioeconomic level that I was.  I have problems, I have stresses, I see things around me that drive me crazy.  But I do not experience anything like this.

I have thought of this story many, many times since I first heard it.  When I have had bad days, I remind myself that I am a lucky female.

The Box — Day 3

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Another day, another question in my 10 days of self-evaluation and reflection, aka faux Rosh Hashanah.  The first two questions invoked some strong emotions as I answered the questions.  But, I suppose it wouldn’t lead to true reflection if the questions were soft ball questions.  Asking things like, “Where do you like to eat lunch?” doesn’t really make you think….or maybe it does if you have strong feelings about lunch, lunch foods, lunch habits, and / or lunch places.  I don’t, so the questions that the website 10Q sends are more in line with my expectations.

Question:  Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?

 

It took me awhile to think of an answer for this question because my first inclination was to try to think of milestone birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, births, etc. that took place this past year.  I couldn’t think of any that I would consider a major milestone.  But it was the 5th anniversary of my father’s death this year, and I relive that milestone each year.

My father’s death marked a major shift in the lives of my family, especially my father’s side of the family.  And while there has been healing, there will never be full recovery.

When I moved into my new house, I also moved a box of files that I brought home with me from Mexico, where my father had been living when he unexpectedly passed away.  Since the time of his death, this box has been sitting in closets, or workshops, or man caves.  Since we closed his estate last year, I had started to finally go through the box and decide what could be shredded and what needed to be saved.  After I moved, it was a project that I took on one weekend.

I only wish that my dad’s box looked so well. A trip from Mexico meant that it was very beat up.

I had looked through this box of files many, many times after my dad first died in an effort to find answers about his health and about his finances.  I knew that the box was a duke’s mixture of items — all the information on the house that he was in the process of buying when he died to a list of the #1 songs on the Billboard chart in 1965.  A single file folder could be a lot of nothing, or it could be full of valuable information.

I hadn’t gone through that box in a couple of years until this year.  And the simple act of cleaning out the box and sorting through his files had a deep impact on me.  I laughed out loud at some of the items that I found, like his application to his 50th high school reunion that took place a couple of months after he died.  On his application, he was asked to answer the question “What have you been doing the last 50 years?”  His response “Living life to the fullest and having a great time.”  Yep.  And he answered the question “What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?” by saying “Being the best at living life to the fullest and having a great time.”  Double yep.

I also felt incredibly sad as I found record of some of the times that he struggled, trying to make ends meet, and sometimes finding it hard to do.

Revisiting this box and its items, without the overwhelming grief that accompanied my first forays into its confines immediately after his death, allowed me to feel like I had spent the weekend communing in some small way with my dad.  That is a major happening, whichever way you look at it.

My Jewish Experiment: Day One

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I was listening to NPR on the way to work this morning, and the hosts mentioned that today was the first day of Rosh Hashanah.  One of the traditions of this very holy time is that Jews use the time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur to reflect on the year and spend time in self-evaluation and reflection.

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From Wikipedia, Definition of Rosh Hashanah

The segment went on to talk about how some Jews were blending their beliefs into the modern world by using technology during this ten day period, using a site called 10Q.  You can sign up for this website and each day for the 10 days get a thought provoking question in your inbox.  You answer it and submit.  At the end of the 10 days, your answers “go away” until next year during Rosh Hashanah.  Then you get your answers from the previous year (to help show how your life has progressed over the year), plus another 10 questions to answer for the current year.

This year has been a memorable, significant year in my life.  I have had a life-threatening illness, the dissolution of my marriage, and some fundamental challenges to the things that I believe.

If there was ever a time to reflect and complete self-evaluation, this is it.  And I liked the idea of tackling it, one question at a time, one day at a time.

So, here goes day one:

Question:  Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?

Wow!  Just go for broke, right out of the gate…

I have had several significant experiences this year.

1. I developed a pulmonary embolism and could have died
2. My husband asked me for a divorce
3. I bought a new house and began to rebuild a residence

The one that I would pick to discuss is buying a house and rebuilding my safe haven.

I am an introvert that is surrounded by people all day, so having a haven, a place to be still and to recharge my batteries is critical to my well being. After it became evident that my marriage was going to end, there was a time that we still shared a house. This might have been some of the most stressful time in my life because I lost having a safe zone. My house became a tension filled and unwelcoming, so finding a place to make safe again was so important.

I am slowly doing this with the purchase of a house. And I have felt every emotion possible in the months since. There is no way to describe how I feel without talking about almost all emotions.  Joy when the fence went in, keeping my dog safe. Anxiety and aggravation during the whole loan process. Loneliness during that first night on my own in the house. Relief when all the kitchen boxes were finally unpacked. Pissed off because I have to do this to begin with. Excited because it’s mine, mine, mine to do with whatever I want. Proud when the new color turned out just right. Worried that I am making decisions based on emotion, not rational thought. On, and on, and on.

Mostly, though, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a support system. Grateful that I am learning how to ask for help and to recognize that people find joy in helping.  Grateful that I am not alone, even during this time when I should feel the most alone.

I would never have chosen the circumstances that led me to rebuilding my safe haven — but I am a better person for knowing that I have all these wonderful people in my life.