What Now?

I have had a very unsettling week.  Bad news, sad news, headaches have cropped up over the week.  I have had the image of being a pack mule in my head, and every day I have felt like another 50 lb. load has been added to my burden, weighing me down.  I need some encouragement that I’ll be okay.

I know that everyone struggles with disappointments and problems and bad news over his/her live.  You wouldn’t exactly be living if you didn’t have pain.  How to handle that pain has always been something with which I have tussled.

Storm on Sept. 8, 2012

We had a Women’s Leadership Summit at work yesterday and one of the speakers talked about happiness.  She had a list of five things that led to happiness, including Diet and Exercise, Meditation, Intention, etc.  I appreciated where she was going, but I felt like she was just a little too “new age-y” for me.

For me, I have to rely on my faith.  I can’t rely on myself, because I have already learned that I am not perfect and prone to mistakes.

Tenth Avenue North is one of my favorite Christian bands and they sing a song called “Times”.  In this song, God tells us the times He’ll love us, including:

The times you’re broken

The times that you mend

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.

It’s inside, it’s in between.

These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.

The times that you’re hurting.

Yep, that about describes how I’m feeling right now.  Relieved and happy to know that God has my back.  That is where my comfort is coming from this week.

Headache Central

I have had a headache for the past four days.  When I have one that lasts more than a day, I am exhausted when it finally goes away, and (dare I say) a bit fearful of it coming back again.  Eventually, I begin to feel like myself again, even though I know that another one is inevitably around the corner.

This is what I feel I look like when I have a headache.  I think that we can all agree that it is a good thing that this isn’t reality.

Feels like my head is twisting itself

Several months ago, I was inspired by my headache to write this poem.  It’s not much, but I thought I would save it rather than trash it.


Lights are flashing
Hands are shaking
Who lives in my head?
Please stop partying!
Turn down the music and quit jumping on the floor!
Don’t you have to work?
I can’t believe my mind tenant is so lazy
Here’s the deal:  I’ve sent your resume to some employers
You have to move
I’m evicting you
I’m THE landlord of my head and I want you gone
And I’m keeping the security deposit for punching holes in my walls