Day 4 of Elder Grateful Month and I still have so much for which to be grateful. Today, however, I’m all about God’s Plan for me.
I was raised in a Christian house and have always known that God loves me. The significance of that message really sunk in during my 30s, when I was battling an episode of clinical depression. At a time when I felt like no one in the world could possibly like me, much less love me, the message of God’s agape love penetrated my mind and heart.
I believe that God has a plan for me and I try not to worry about the future. It is so much easier said than done. I’m not a fatalist or someone who believes in predestination above free will. I believe that I can (and do) make bad choices. But I do believe that if I submit myself to His plan, then He will lead me to make the choices that He wants.
I’m not a Bible scholar nor a theologist, so my belief system may seem simple to some. Yet, I know that when I have felt most at peace in my life is when I am talking and listening the most to God. That’s when I feel like I am following His plan. When I have felt the most frazzled, disconnected, overwhelmed and out-of-sorts is when I have tried to do things on my own. When I’ve tried to convince God that I knew what I was doing and He should just stand back and watch me handle it. It never worked out well when I was trying to control everything.
Letting go, trying not to control everything, is one of the hardest things to do. I think we humans are wired to try to control the environment around us. It must be a survival skill. It’s the moments when I have said, “I can’t do this, Lord. I’m in over my head. You gotta take this.” — those are the moments that have made me the strongest. Seems backwards, huh? All a part of His plan.