I’m Getting a Little Preachy

Listening to the news and scrolling through Facebook, I hear this name and see this face everywhere.  Kim Davis…  Lots being said about Kim Davis.

I feel wrong for being glad and for feeling a sense of vindication because she was jailed today for contempt of court.  Why wrong?  Taking pleasure in someone else’s misfortune is something that I strive to avoid.

But I have to own those emotions — there should be consequences for her actions, and I am pleased that she is facing some.  I have been disturbed by her refusal to issue marriage licenses to gay people, claiming that it goes against her Christian religion.

My reasons for feeling this way are manifold:

  1. A sense of unfairness — the rest of us have to follow the laws.  Why should she be exempted?
  2. Discrimination — homosexuals now have the legal right to get married in all 50 states.  Whether you agree or disagree with homosexuality, homosexuals have the same rights as non-homosexuals.  Discrimination against any group, especially in ensuring the same legal rights as the majority, is just plain prejudicial, unethical, and wrong.
  3. Use of religion — ARGH!  Herein lies my biggest frustration.

I have seen comments and articles that argue that since this is her job, she should just do her job.  I agree, up to a point.  Everyone should have the ability to question their own actions on a job, and to be able to refuse to do something if it is unethical or illegal.  Following orders blindly is questionable behavior, as well, but in this case, issuing marriage licenses IS legal.  She, however, is choosing to do what is illegal and unethical — discriminating.

But the use of religion as her validation for her actions irritates and scares me.  I am a Christian, but I don’t want this to be the example of my faith.  And it has nothing to do with my feelings about homosexuality.  It has everything to do with the judging and unloving attitude that she is exhibiting.

I believe that my God charged me with loving my neighbor.  He didn’t call me to His side by asking that I determine what is right or wrong.  He doesn’t ask me to judge those around me and determine their worthiness.  (And for not doing so, I am forever grateful.  What a huge burden and responsibility to judge others — I would not want to determine someone’s character based on the imperfect knowledge that I have about that person.  I have, at best, a 50/50 chance of getting it right, but in reality, very little hope of knowing that person’s heart and head.  Judging is best left to an all-knowing God.)

God doesn’t ask me to determine what sins are worse than others and rank people based on the “hierarchy” of their sins.  He doesn’t ask me to treat certain groups of people, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status or behavior and actions, with less dignity or respect or love.  He doesn’t ask me to treat anyone as less than any other person.

He asks me to LOVE.  Love my neighbor.  Love my enemy.  Between those two ends of the spectrum, I think the message is clear — love all.

I do not feel like Kim Davis is exhibiting a loving heart.  And there are PLENTY of other examples like this one that are of someone who calls themselves a Christian acting without a loving heart.  She is not alone in her behavior.

But I am scared that people view actions like these as “how a Christian acts.”  I am scared that people will view Christians who judge, persecute, and marginalize those who do not “act like we think they should” as reflections of Christianity and God.  I am scared that people will turn away from God if these are the examples of living in the faith.  And why wouldn’t they?

These are the reasons why I have a problem with Kim Davis’s actions (and yes, I know I am judging…ironic, huh?).  She is not a reflection of me just because we share the same God and Jesus.  This is why I was secretly excited to see her experience some punishment.  (Again, I wish that I didn’t feel that way — you know, All Judgy Judgerson.)

I need to remind myself and pray that her future actions aren’t based on avoiding punishment, but on loving those around her.  In a perfect world, she would go back to work and not discriminate when doing her job, not because she faces punishment, but because she found that love for all those around her.  Wouldn’t that be a great example of what God urges us to do?

2014 Limerick

I’m so glad to see the end of this year. I have not had the best year, but I have high hopes for 2015.

To celebrate the New Year, I have written a limerick:

Two thousand fourteen is through

It was a shitty year, tis true

Lies and betrayals

Hospitals and ails

Bye bitch year, so long to you

Here’s wishing everyone a fabulous 2015.  Don’t drink and drive.  Tonight or the other 364 days of the year.  And, as always, don’t run with scissors.  This year or any year.  That advice never gets old.

It’s my day….but you win

I was out running errands this weekend instead of sleeping late, and tuned into “Weekend Edition” on the radio.  One of the segments was an interview with the musician, Shakey Graves.  I had never heard of Shakey Graves, but he’s apparently a pretty good musician.  Good enough that his hometown of Austin, TX, proclaimed February 9 to be “Shakey Graves Day.”

The host of the segment asked Shakey how he would like people to celebrate Shakey Graves day.  Graves replied, “Go roller skating and buy a pet.”

That, of course, started me thinking.

So, here’s the deal.

I am proclaiming Cristy Elder Day.  

(day and time to be determined)

And here’s how I want you to celebrate:

  1. Don’t set the alarm clock — get up when you feel damn good and ready and not one second earlier
  2. Pet a dog
  3. Write a thank you note to someone who has done something for you
  4. Eat some ice cream.
  5. Or a cupcake.
  6. Watch an episode of Seinfeld
  7. Play some of your favorite songs and sing them OUT LOUD!
  8. Read some of your favorite book
  9. Take a nap

I Love Cristy Elder Day.  Can’t wait until it’s proclaimed.  I am hopeful there will be some good furniture sales.  I need an end table.

This has been on my mind

I should blog a lot more often.  Real bloggers blog more often than I do.  But, I’m not a really real blogger.  I have a job that takes up the time that I would like to have to write about all the ideas in my head.  Instead of writing, the ideas just bounce around, while I form paragraphs in my mind during my shower or my drive, but never get committed to paper or screen.  And some ideas and thoughts just bounce around, never forming enough content to become a blog of their own.

Here are the things that have been taking up my brain cells over the last three or four days:

  • Ebola – badScreen Shot 2014-10-16 at 8.27.00 PM
  • Ebola outbreak — worse
  • Ebola outbreak —  been haunting my nightmares since I read The Hot Zone by Richard Preston about 8 years ago
  • Ebola in America — inevitable
  • People who didn’t think it would be in America — naive
  • Lack of coverage of thousands dying in Africa now that Ebola is in America — shameful, but not surprising
  • NC Senate Race — terrible
  • NC Senate Race Result — awful, regardless of winner
  • Time — not enough time in a day
  • Time — going way to fast
  • Time — will I ever get to retire?
  • Time — how did I get this old?
  • Time — I don’t look bad for my age
  • Fall — I love Fall!
  • Fall — I hate this time of year as the days get shorter
  • Olive Tapenade hummus — love you
  • The Walking Dead — Yeah
  • The Walking Dead — Boo, can’t watch by myself, and now I’m by myself
  • The Walking Dead — fuck it, I’ll try to watch by myself
  • The Walking Dead — look at me, watching it by myself
  • The Walking Dead — crap, did they just cut those throats?
  • The Walking Dead — I’m glad that walkers aren’t real
  • The Walking Dead — why didn’t I take that shotgun when I left that he “gave” me for my Christmas present?
  • The Walking Dead — what am I going to do if there is a zombie apocalypse?  Who’s going to help me survive?
  • The Walking Dead — I’ll buy some canned goods to stock pile next time I’m at the store
  • New Viagra Commercial — that’s targeted at women?  huh?
  • New Viagra Commercial — wonder what the average age of a man with ED is?
  • New Viagra Commercial — wonder what the likelihood is that the next man that I date has ED?
  • Dating Again — Sure
  • Dating Again — meh
  • Dating Again — Absolutely not, men suck
  • Dating Again — Why not?
  • My marriage — *sigh*, just *sigh*
  • Work — I was a rock star!
  • Work — I have no idea what I’m doing some days
  • Work — I got this, be-yotches!  You know I do!
  • Work — I need a drink this evening
  • Me — am I doing alright?
  • Me — I’m doing alright!
  • Me — I’m a mess sometimes

So it goes.  And goes.  And goes.

I wish that I could take all that and make something of it.  Something wonderful and meaningful and grand.  I remind myself that I won’t always be able to produce greatness and that’s ok — but the act of trying eases my soul.

Future Look. Day 10.

Today is the last day of my 10 days of self-evaluation / reflection, compliments of borrowing parts of a tradition from Rosh Hashanah.  Answering a different question each night has been a good experience for me.  I was drawn to trying this out because I thought that the tradition of spending 10 days deliberately and thoughtfully evaluating the last year and my actions over the last year was a worthy undertaking.  I imagine that in Jewish tradition that this time spent in reflection helps prepare the person for today, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  I know that after the last 10 days, I am much more cognizant of the actions for which I should make amends.

Are you interested in trying it?  No need to wait until next year, but if you want to, sign up like I did with the website 10Q, and next year during this time, you’ll get the questions and can answer them, anonymously if you want.

And on the 10th day you can answer this question:

Question:  When September 2015 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you’ll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you’re at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?


I think my first reaction will be pleasure.  I will be glad that I took the time to answer the questions and document my thoughts and feelings right now, especially since this is such a changeable year for me.  There are a few years that I regard as important years in my life.  Not just important days, or weeks, or moments, but years that went far in defining the me that exists now.  My sophomore year in college, the year that I bought my first house, the year that I turned 35, and now, this year.  These years, for very different reasons, challenged me and led me to make permanent shifts and developments as a person, or an employee, or as friend or partner.  These years were not business as usual years.  This year will be one of “these years”.

And for that I am glad that I took the last 10 days to answer 10 questions.

As for my expectations of where I’ll be next year, I am actually trying to keep them low.  Ok, low may be the wrong word, because I don’t mean that I think that there won’t be any forward movement or positive things in my life.  I think that what I mean is that I’m keeping my expectations realistic.  I mentioned in one of my earlier answers that some of the best advice I have received over the last three to four months has been “you don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”  So, I’m leaving my options open and my future a little more up in the air.

Which is exciting…because while I have been reminded by answering these questions that sometimes the worst does happen, our fears do come true, the bottom does drops out, the beautiful, wonderful, magnificent truth is that I can handle it.

Next year — who knows where I’ll be?  I hope that I’m learning more, healthier, have more friends, trying something new, still laughing.

Tough question tonight. Day 9

TG-it’s almost-F.  I’ve worked hard this week and am ready to not work hard this weekend.  Or to work hard for me and not the man.  Either has the one benefit of not requiring an alarm clock.

As I am wrapping up the “10 days / 10 questions” period of self-reflection, I have to admit that the last several nights’ questions have been easy to answer.  I can’t say the same for tonight’s question.

Question:  What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year? 


Wow.  Not only is this a tough question, but one of the reasons that it is tough is because it highlights a vulnerability.  Having a fear of something naturally gives that thing some power over you.

It’s not hard talking about my fear of heights (terrified!) or snakes or mice (irrational fear!).  But I have other fears that are hard for me to admit because they spotlight my vulnerabilities.  Like my fear of being abandoned, my fear of growing old and being alone, my fear of ridicule, my fear of being trapped in an old and ill body with an active mind, my fear of the exact opposite….

These are the fears that have worried me, kept me up, made my stomach feel knotty.  Some of the things that I have feared have come to fruition this past year.  I have dealt with and survived my abandonment demon this year.  That bastard is currently KO’ed in the corner.  And while it doesn’t mean that I won’t have to deal with again in the future, for now, I’m good.

I’m actually better than good, because I learned that I can live through facing a fear.  I can face it, pull through it, and even flourish afterwards.  Go, me.

I want to learn it all. Day 8

My little French Bulldog, Louie, is sick today.  An unexpected trip to the vet, and much scrubbing of walls and floors, and I hope that he will be much better tomorrow now that he has had some medicine.  It means that I will sleep on the couch, however, on the alert for a quick trip to the great outdoors, if need be, during the middle of the night.  I am hopeful that I will sleep.  The good news is that I finally had a TV hung on my wall last week, so if I can’t sleep, I can get comfortable and watch some tube.  As opposed to when I was young, there are actually shows being aired during the middle of the night that might teach me something.

Which leads me to tonight’s question.

Question:  Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully in 2015?


I want to learn about everything. I hear about at least three things a day that I wish I could delve into more. Politics, history, religion, current events, biographies.

Two topics that are currently on my list to learn more about are from the 1970s:  the Vietnam War and the peace deal between Begin and Sadat. I recently read a history of Jerusalem, but it ended after World War II and the formation of Israel. So, I would like to learn more about events that followed, hence the interest in the peace accords.  And I just haven’t learned much at all about the Vietnam War, but my step-father fought in that war.  I would like to understand more about the politic situation that led to our involvement.

Menachem Begin, Jimmy Carter, Anwar El Sadat

I was a child of the seventies, and I kinda remember the turmoil of the times.  I remember the gas strikes and adults talking about inflation.  I remember Walter Cronkite being the news anchor.  I remember the news talking about people losing their jobs.  But I really didn’t pay attention.  It was elevator music to my young life; there was simply too many other things to think about, like learning how to do cartwheels, reading Encyclopedia Brown and Nancy Drew books, pretending that I was Wonder Woman, dreaming up new adventures for Barbie.  Though I did love, love, love a good Schoolhouse Rock.  They just didn’t make one about the Vietnam War.  They should have asked Creedence Clearwater Revival to write one for them.

I’m glad that I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on.  That wasn’t my job; my job was to be a kid.  My job wasn’t to be concerned about the economy, or peace treaties, or presidents resigning.  I hope that kids today have the same opportunity to be innocent of the wider world, at least for a little while.  The time comes far too soon when our concerns extend beyond the walls of house.  Enjoy ignorance as long as possible.

But now as an adult, it’s time to learn that which I did not learn.

Plus all those other things that strike my fancy.  And my fancy is struck often.

Improving. Day 7

I just went with my friend, Kristin, to a speaker event hosted by our shared alma mater, Wake Forest University.  Carla Harris, a Vice Chairman at Morgan Stanley and Chair of the National Women’s Business Council, delivered a talk on her “Pearls of Wisdom”.  Her talk was excellent, and she was very motivating.  She had several career suggestions that I am going to try.  She seems like she has it all figured out.

Then there is me.  Who doesn’t have it all figured out.

Which leads me to tonight’s faux Rosh Hashanah question.

Question:  How would you like to improve yourself and your life next year? Is there a piece of advice or counsel you received in the past year that could guide you?


I would like to spend more time in prayer, studying the Bible and communicating with God. While I have conversations with God in my head all the time, I don’t put a lot of time aside for prayer — deliberate praising, deliberate worship and deliberate asking for specific help. I have been much more actively engaged in our relationship in the past, and I know that I felt myself to be more calm, more relaxed and even more confident when I did.

This year, I feel like I have been in survival mode most of the year. My prayers have all been about “help me”, “comfort me”, “relieve me”, and “guide me”. I would like to spend more time praying about other people, other problems, about learning, about growing, about next adventures, about how I can help others instead of others helping me.

I love this picture. It hung over the dining table in my grandparents’ house, where we ate every Sunday lunch. Seeing it will always make me think of being with them and my family.

The best advice that I received this year that will guide me in my journey is not new and is not complicated. It was simply, “Cristy, you don’t have to have everything figured out right now.” It took a little while for that to sink in.  My first instinct when faced with my crisis (getting separated) was triage:  Stop the immediate bleeding and then see how to return everything to as close to normal as possible.

For me, that meant moving out quickly, buying a house quickly, asking myself questions about where I thought I would be in 3 years, 5 years, and trying to get everything situated just so as fast as possible.  I was working myself into a tail spin.  And then a couple of people gave me this really good advice.  “Cristy, you don’t have to have everything figured out right now.”  And when it did sink in, I was so relieved.

The plan that I had for my life was gone.  It was going to be different by necessity.  But, it was ok if I didn’t have that plan sketched out now.  Now, when my knees are still a little wobbly.  Now, when I’m still learning my options.  Now, when I’ve got more options than I had before.

I can accept that having some questions left unanswered is ok, and it means that I spend less time calling on God to help me figure out my situation and more time enjoying what I have and those around me.